Survival Days
by an amateur
Summary: After Kate Beckett got shot in Captain Montgomery's funeral, will she survive? What is going to happen next about Kate's relationship with Castle? Did she hear the ILY words from Castle? Check it out :
1. Survival Days

This story started of precisely like Knockout, but it continues with my imagination.

Disclaimer : I do not own Castle and the other characters. Every single one of them belongs to Andrew Marlowe.

**Survival Days  
><strong>**Chapter 1**

* * *

><p>"Roy Montgomery taught me what it meant to be a cop. He taught me that we are bound by our choices, but we are more than our mistakes. Captain Montgomery once said to me that for us there is no victory, there are only battles, and in the end, the best you can hope for is to find a place to make your stand. And if you're very lucky, you find someone willing to stand with you."<p>

She paused, and she looked at Castle. Castle was the one who had been shadowing her for 3 years, and yet, it was her happiest years ever after she became a cop. Everyday, Castle brought her a cup of coffee. Simple, but very considerate. He was always there, whenever she needed someone to help her solve the case, someone to talk with, or even when she didn't need him at all. Always.

"Our Captain would want us to carry on the fight."

Suddenly Castle saw a glimpse of light toward Beckett. Before he even managed to figure it out, everything was too late...

"Beckett down! Beckett down!" a police officer shouted at everyone.

Beckett fell down like a powerless dead body.

"Stay with me, Kate. Don't leave me, please. Stay with me, OK?"

Castle knew that it might be the last time he could ever have a chance to talk to her. His courage helped him to reveal his true feeling.

"I love you, Kate."

Castle took his handphone and call an ambulance. He just lost his patience whenever that person asked him to wait.

"Someone is dying here! Just send me an ambulance right now!"

He was pissed off. Beckett was dying on his hands, yet he couldn't do anything to help her. He was always a big fan of irony, but not this time.

Thank God, they heard a sirene coming towards them. It was the ambulance. The paramedics quickly circled her and brought Beckett's body into the ambulance, but they won't let Castle to come with them.

"For God's sake! She's my partner, and I can't come with her? She needs me. Please, let me to come with her."

Partner? They're more than just a partner.

"I didn't know what we were. We kissed and then we never talked about it. We nearly die frozen in each others arms, but we never talk about it. So no, I got no clue what we are. But still, I care about you, Kate." these words echoed in his mind.

"Okay Sir you can come with us, but be cooperative. If we find you disturbing us, we won't let you to come with us."

They rushed to the hospital. Every second they have is very very precious, moreover, she's dying. It might be the last time he could ever seen her breathing. He felt that he's only a burden for her, for 3 years. He had been shadowing her everyday, by using a stupid reason like 'research' and his friendship with the mayor.

Esposito once said to Beckett "Why do you think he's been following you around all this time? What, research? The guy has done enough research to write 50 books." He wanted to chuckle when he remembered this sentence. This guy got a point. He's right.

If he really done that for research, he must have written dozens of books in the last 3 years, with Beckett as her muse. But that's no longer his motive. He loved her, so much. Beckett has become a part of his life, and a day without her is like living a life without any purpose.

Journey to the hospital made him more broken than ever. He was the eyewitness of Beckett, his muse, dying right in front of his eyes, and worse, he could not do anything to help her. Once they arrived at the hospital, Beckett was rushed into the ICU.

"Sorry, Sir, we can not let you in to this territory"

"No! I must go with her! Please, Doc. I will do everything to help her survive."

"The only thing you can do to help her right now is to pray for her, and wait for the result. You can wait in the waiting room, take a cup of coffe, and calm yourself. I promise you will be the first one I update if she shows an improvement. Now I should go."

The doctor left him alone in front of the door. Now he should wait in the waiting room by himself waiting for the doctor to give him...news. He didn't know whether it would be a good or bad one.

"... you will be the first one I update **if **she shows an improvement." If. The doctor himself couldn't predict Beckett's future. No one knew whether she was going to survive or not.

Around 3 minutes later, Ryan, Esposito, and Lanie arrived at the hospital. They were so shocked, seeing Castle like that. So vulnerable. Usually Beckett was the one who's broken, and Castle was always there to comfort her. Right now? Castle felt sick at the prospect of losing her. Could she really die before they could even give a go at having a relationship that consisted of friendship, passion, lust, desire and pure love? Before he knew Beckett's feeling to him?

The four of them sat closely, supporting each other. They were facing the possibility of losing one of their boss, their best friend, and for Castle, his muse. They knew that as the clock was ticking, the chances were getting slimmer and slimmer.

"Kate, you must survive. You're the toughest woman in this world. You die only because a single bullet? It's so not Beckett. Not my Beckett. Goodluck, Kate."

* * *

><p>AN : Do RnR, give any feedback you like. I'm new to this, so any advice if you don't mind. And my grammar is really really not good, because I came from a country that doesn't use English as their mother tongue. Forgive me for any grammatical errors.


	2. Prayers

A/N : Chapter 1, no review. Okay I have to admit it, it sucks. I'm trying my best to make it better. And first of all I want to say sorry if I make Castle pray. He's not in a specific religion, I only make this like a Christian because I don't know how do other religions pray. Thank you.

**Prayers - Survival Days**  
><strong>Chapter 2 <strong>

* * *

><p>Ever since the shooting, Castle always have a daily routine. Woke up at 6, prayed for Beckett, prepared himself, went straight to the hospital.<p>

This is day 3, and she shows no improvement.

"God, same thing again today. I just need Beckett. She is part of my life now. Well, we once kissed, we nearly die in each other arms, we saved hundreds of New Yorkers from a bomb, and now, she is lying helplessly on a horrible hospital bed. All we need is justice, God. Please. Wake her up. Amen."

He always prayed the same thing all over again in 3 days. His heart was totally broken with the fact that he failed to save Beckett, and he couldn't do anything other than wait. Wait for any improvement. But how if she didn't make any improvement at all? What would the doctor do? Sit down and do nothing? It was so ridiculous, but then, what else could he do? He didn't go to medical school, so he barely knew anything about what to do when people got shot. And he knew one person who knew, Josh. Nevermind, it was not a good idea to talk to Josh.

xxxx

"Good morning, Mr. Castle." the same nurse greeted him with a same smile every day.  
>"You coming for Ms. Beckett, right?"<br>"Yeah." answered Castle with a lower, hopeless tone.  
>"Oh come on, you shouldn't be like this. She is not dead. She is a tough detective, right? She's in room 376."<p>

She was such a nice nurse. She got a good purpose, to cheer him up. But sadly, nothing could cheer him up right now except for Beckett's smile.

"Thanks, you're very nice."

He slowly walked to Beckett's room. He wasn't suprised seeing to see the same thing all over again. His muse, Katherine Beckett, lying on a bed.

"Good morning, Detective Beckett. How are you today?" said Castle as he tried his best to keep a big smile plastered on his face.

Silence fills the air.

"Oh yeah, you can't answer my question, can you? I totally forgot about that."

He laughed with himself in sadness, and burst into tears.

"Come on, Kate. I thought you are the most powerful woman in the world. You have survived in so many things, Kate. I know you can. But why are you still unconscious within 3 days?"

"I'm your partner, Kate. I am totally worried about you. How if I lost you forever? Do you think I can deal with that? Do you think I'm strong enough? You're wrong, Kate. This three years. I was never absent to shadow you each day. Do you think that it's for my research' sake?"

All of a sudden someone's footsteps startled him. Ah he knew it. It must be Josh.

"Oh, Rick. You're here again."  
>"And you're also here again, Josh."<br>"Yeah he's my girlfriend, Castle."  
>"And she's my partner."<br>"**Your **partner? You got to be kidding me. You are her shadow! You are only tailing her for 3 years."  
>"Whatever, but she's also my bestfriend so I deserve to be here."<br>"Castle, I might need a time alone with Kate, can you please leave and come back next time?"  
>"Alright, fine, if that's what you want. I am too tired to fight."<p>

Castle let out an exasperated sigh, and he leaves.

"Keep fighting, Kate."

xxxx

Alexis felt pity to her father. Her father lost his usual appetite, and his sense of humour. He changed 180 degrees within this 3 days.

"Hi, Dad. I bet you just visited hospital again, right?" she tried her best to keep her voice as usual as possible.  
>"Hey pumpkin. Yes, I did."<br>"So, how is she doing?"

She knew that it is a stupid question to ask. If Kate made at least a small improvement, there must be a facial expression change occurs.

"Nothing changed, darling. Keep praying for her okay?"

"Always, dad."

Always. He always missed saying that word to Kate whenever she thanked him on anything. But now everything felt so different. He had no one to be shadowed. He showed up at the precinct rarely, sometimes only to check how the boys are doing. He tends to stay inside his room by himself, doing something so called 'writing' but only staring absent-mindedly instead.

Alexis couldn't stand it anymore. She wants her old daddy back.

xxxx

At 10 pm, Alexis sneak out of her house, and she went to the hospital by taxi. She's not hesitated, she knew what she was going to do.

"Excuse me, do you know where is Ms. Katherine Beckett's room?"  
>"She is in room 376. Are you Mr. Castle's daughter? You two looks alike."<br>"Yes, I am. But please, don't tell anyone that I am here, especially my dad. I was supposed to be asleep at my house by now."  
>"Yeah, sure. Follow me"<p>

The nurse ushered Alexis to Beckett's room.

"This is Ms. Beckett's room. I gotta go."  
>"Thank you so much."<p>

She started to turn the knob with full confidence. She was totally shocked, seeing her savvy role model lying on a bed powerlessly. She sat down on a chair beside her bed, and started talking.

"Oh Kate. So this is the reason for every changes occur to my dad. You look so ... terrible."

"At first I felt so pity about you, but you made me really angry! You hurt my dad's feeling. You're just nobody. Not even our family. I wonder if you never showed up in my dad's life, he couldn't be as broken as nowadays. He's still a famous author with a character called Derrick Storm, not Nikki Heat. He could write dozens of books instead of going to the precinct, and risking his life every single day!"

"You are a very selfish woman, Kate! I never could imagine that you could do all these things to my dad. I thought you love each other. You gave him hope, and now you're just gonna let it disappear? I'm not gonna let it happen, Kate."

"You wanna know what can you do? WAKE UP!"

Alexis scream out loud while shaking Kate's shoulders. She really felt all her emotions were mixing into one. She was angry, sad, guilty, and also desperate at the same time. She knew that screaming like that won't help Kate to wake up, only a vain attempt. But at least she already spilled all of her feelings.

She gently touch Kate's hand. It's so cold, not like the usual. She really missed the warmthness of Kate's hand, and moreover, her heart. Alexis always respect her as her own mom. Beckett is so much better than Meredith, or even Gina. She really missed their private girl conversations , her wise advices, and everything she ever did with her. Kate always made every single minute she spent with her very memorable.

When she put her gaze on Kate's vulnerable voice, someone got into the room without knocking.

Oh no. She shouldn't be seen by anybody, especially her dad.

"Who's that?"

* * *

><p>AN : I really really hope that you like this chapter. I think that Alexis and Beckett have a pretty strong relationship, and the idea just popped out in my mind. Do RnR!


	3. Goodbye

**Goodbye – Survival Days  
>Chapter 3<strong>

* * *

><p>It turns out, her dad knew that she was here.<p>

"Alexis, what are you doing here so late? You can visit Detective Beckett in a reasonable hours, right? And with me."  
>"Uh Dad, nothing's special. How do you know that I'm here?"<br>"When it was 10.30, I got into your room because I think I left my favorite pen there. But then you weren't there. I got panicked, so I downloaded the tracking device on my iPhone again, and it says that you're right here."  
>"You once promised me that you'll never ever use that device again right?"<br>"Yeah but it was urgent. Forgive me, okay?"  
>"Whatever. Let's go home."<p>

xxxx

While driving home, Castle was still in a total confusion. His mind was wondering what did his daughter say to Beckett?

"What did you say to Detective Beckett?"  
>"It's a secret."<br>"Since when you learn to keep a secret to your cool dad?"  
>"Dad..."<p>

This was totally weird. Alexis hardly ever kept secrets from her dad. Something was totally wrong, he could feel it.

"Honey, what's wrong? Usually you don't keep secrets to me," said Castle with a serious tone. He was not playing around this time. He needed to know the truth, since he considered himself as Beckett's partner and bestfriend and Alexis' cool dad.

"Dad, it's just nothing. You don't need to know, okay? Now I got to sleep, I have school tomorrow."

Alexis abruptly ran upstairs, hiding all her emotion. Castle really had no idea about what to do to his lovely daughter. He didn't want to pry to her private life, but if something happened to her, he must be the first one to know.

Ah nevermind, just called it a night. Maybe she's just tired. See you tomorrow, Kate.

xxxx

Day 7. It seems that God has answered Rick's prayer. Kate is awake! This was the awesomest news ever!

"Alexis! Do you want to come to hospital with me? The doctor just called me and he says that Kate is awake!"  
>"Really? Wow! I would love to, but unfortunately I have 2 important exams today. I'll just catch up in the evening, okay?"<br>"Alright, see you!"

Alexis didn't seem so happy about the news. There must be a reason behind this. Nevermind, Castle's heart was overwhelmed with joy and happiness. At last, he could interact with his muse again. He rushed to the hospital, he couldn't wait to see his usual Beckett.

"Morning, Mr. Castle! Looks very happy today, huh?"  
>"Yeah! She's awake! Thank God!"<br>"Good to know. I'm so happy for you."  
>"Thanks, I got to go."<p>

Wait for me, Kate!

"Good morning, Beckett!"  
>"Hey, Castle. As noisy as usual, huh?" answered Beckett, with a weak but happy voice. She was really glad to be able to see him again.<br>"Oh come on. I deserve to be happy right? For seven days, I've been waiting for this day."

They were both so freakingly happy to be able to see each other. A wide grin plastered on their happy faces.

"So, Kate, how does it feel sleeping for seven days?"

"Uh, not good, Castle. My body really need to stretch right now."

"Do you want to go to the hospital's park? I would love to take you there."

"Sure! I really really need fresh air right now."

xxxx

They were both out to the park. Castle and Beckett holding each other hands, reassuring each other that they're not dreaming. No one will ever leave again. Their hands were clasped firmly. Everything was just so beautiful. Swaying trees, with children's laughter, and the best part of it, with Kate on his side. They sat on a old wooden bench, and met each other's gaze.

"Kate, it's good to see you back."

"So, how's your life without me, Rick?"

"It was totally ... awful, Kate. You really can't imagine it."

"I think I can, because that's totally what I feel. I was dreaming about you, Castle. Nightmare, to be exact."

"Mind to share it with me?"

"So, I dreamt that I was awake. And then, everyone was there. My dad, Lanie, Ryan, Esposito, and even Josh. But you weren't there. That night, full of fake smiles and fake laughters. Something was missing from the picture. From that night, I was so afraid to wake up. I was afraid that the dream would be a reality. But the other night, I heard Alexis-"

"Alexis? How could she..."

"I don't know, Castle. But I heard Alexis screamed to me, to wake up. I felt so guilty, because I had been hiding under my unconsciousness. That night, Alexis sounded so...desperate. Alexis accused me for being selfish, which is quite right. I put your life in danger every day, while I'm neither your family, nor relative. After I heard everything she said, I realized something. Castle, the last 3 years with you have been really really great, but..."

"But what? Are you going to ask me to stop following you? Hell no, Kate. Lockwood is somewhere out there, targeting on your back. You want me to let that happen? You wish. And me risking my life? It's none of your fault. It's all my choice, Kate, not yours."

"Castle, you have a family! Every night, Alexis and Martha are worrying you, waiting for their lovely father and son to come back. What if you got shot on a crime scene, die frozen, or die because of a radioactive bomb? You were so lucky that you can survive from all of those. But we can't predict what's going to happen next, Rick!"

"You are also risking your life everyday, Kate. How would I let it happen?"

"It is my job to risk my life and protect the inocence, Castle! So now, go home and meet your family. Forget all 3 years we had been through. No more Nikki Heat, only Derrick Storm."

"But you are my family too, Kate! Also Esposito, Ryan,and Lanie."

"Castle, it is an order."

Castle took a long, exasperated sigh. He knew that arguing with Beckett was a vain attempt. He would always lose, in a pathetic way. He knew that he was a wordsmith, a famous author. But still he couldn't win any argument against the expert of interrogation from 12th precinct.

"Fine. So, we're done here, right. Send my regards to the boys and Lanie. Tell them that the last 3 years had been really great. Goodbye, Kate."

She didn't think that he would be so serious about this. She thought that it might be another time when he would just disappear for less than 24 hours.

"Rick, when are you going to go back? You know what I mean right? You've never leave me within 24 hours right?" she chuckled ironically, hoping that this was another stupid prank from the funny guy, Richard Castle.

"I don't think so, Kate. I don't want to bother you anymore. You're right, I should be giving some more attention to my family. I hope, you'll have a good relationship with Josh, and one day you'll find who hired Lockwood. I hope that everything will end in a good way."

Castle put his arms around Kate's weak body tightly, as an unsaid 'goodbye'. He really tried to smile, though it was useless. She wept bitter tears of disappointment. If only she didn't say any negative words to Castle, they could've tell each other how was their true feeling that they've been hiding for 3 years, the three words, I Love You, and they would've kissed right now. Instead, they're saying goodbye to each other, with a big chance that it would be the last time they'd see each other's face.

Although one day I'll find the person behind all my mother's murder, or have a good relationship with Josh, there's something that ends in a bad way. Our relationship, Castle. This was not going to be the way I end this.

When Castle has gotten quite far, Kate knew that it might be her last chance to say something to him. Ready for any consequences she might face in the future, she finally said that.

"I love you, Castle! No matter what happen, I will always love you!"

She used all her energy to shout even though she's still weak. Everyone in the park stared at her, but she didn't care. Thousands of memories flashed through her mind. The first time they met, their very first case, cup of coffee everyday, investigating Johanna's murder, lying freezing in Castle's arms, shooting Dick Coonan in order to save him, "the killer is still alive", when Castle left her to the Hamptons, when she respected the universe, saving New York by yanking all wires, "always", amazed by the depths of her strength, her heart and her hotness, being a one-writer-girl, the undercover kiss, and the 3 words in Captain Montgomery's funeral.

Did he hear that? Hopefully...

* * *

><p>AN : How's the chapter? Hopefully you'll like it. Do RnR, tell me anything. You like it, or you hate it. I'm facing a little bit of writer block, so forgive me if I won't update soon. But still, I'm doing my absolute best to finish this.


	4. Fake Hopes

**Fake Hope – Survival Days  
>Chapter 4<strong>

* * *

><p>When I'm with you, hours turn into minutes. But when I'm without you, minutes become hours.<p>

xxxx

She thought that it was 3 hours already since he had left. Actually, it was only 3 minutes.

How much can you actually accomplish in an hour? Run an errand maybe? Sit in traffic? When you think about it, an hour isn't very long. 60 minutes, 3,600 seconds. That's it.

Oddly enough, Richard Castle, is the only person among people around the world who has an ability to turn that short 60 minutes into an unforgettable memory ever.

xxxx

Kate was sitting on that obsolescent bench, alone. She couldn't believe what just happened. She needed someone to talk to, a good listener, which is usually it would be Castle. However, since he was unavailable since 3 minutes ago, the 2nd choice goes to Lanie. She quickly rummaged her pocket to find her cell phone, and search her name among her contact list, and then hit the call button.

"Lanie."

"Hey, Lanie, this is Kate."

"Katie! Oh my freakin God, you're awake!"

"Yeah. Can you come over right now?"

"Sure, where are you?"

"I'm sitting on a bench in the hospital's park."

"I'll be there in 10"

Kate took a long, long sigh right after she hung up. Hearing Kate's unusual voice, Lanie knew that something went wrong. She quickly took her phone and wallet, then left her house.

xxxx

Lanie rushed her steps right after she got out of the cab. She found one old bench, and then averted her gaze to the only person who occupied it. A woman with sparkling, curly, brown hair, who looked so beautiful, yet so vulnerable, like an angel who has just lost her wings. It must be Kate.

"Kate!" Lanie shouted as she waved her hand to get her attention

She recognized the voice as her footsteps became louder gradually. She turned her head weakly toward the voice. She was still sobbing, but trying her best to wipe her tears away and smile.

This part of Kate's life has never been exposed to anyone. She managed to hid it really well for like 10 years, but it was peeled slowly layer by layer by Castle. Even her own best friend had no idea she could be as broken as this. Lanie knew, that no one could make her much worse than this, except for Richard Castle.

"Hi, Ka-"

Before even finishing her greeting, Kate hugged her, which was unexpected an really shocking. She tried to calm her best friend, by rubbing her back gently.

"Oh, sweetie.. What happened?"

"Castle had left."

"Pardon me?"

"Yeah.. He's gone.."

"I'm so sorry to hear that, darling."

So that's the reason. He left her, in her first day of being conscious. What kind of jerk he is? She hugged her once more, only to let her cries her rage, curiosity, sadness, and all her feelings out. Lanie knew that Kate didn't need any pep talk. She only needed some comforting gestures. Her tears made Lanie's jacket wet, which is okay if it comforts her. She would do anything for that.

Kate broke the silence, and starting to tell her everything. Lanie nod to give her permission. She spent 5 minutes to tell her what did she say to him, and how he reacted. She definately needs some advice how to deal with that. Unfortunately, no one knows.

xxxx

Seconds become minutes, minutes become hours, hours turn into days. Usually Castle was there to tail her 24/7, not anymore.

This morning, Lanie told this news to the boys straight away. Since they only have paperworks today, they agreed to pay Writer Boy a visit. Esposito turned on his phone, and searched his name in his contact. He quickly hit the call button.

"Yo Castle"

"Hey, Espo. What's up?"

"You at home?"

"Yeah"

"Me, Lanie, and Ryan wanna visit your loft right now, are you okay with that?"

"Sure, why not?"

"We'll be there in 20."

Castle hung up the phone. Gosh, it felt like the most awkward phone call he has ever had. They haven't talked to each other for 3 days, not even a single text. He didn't bother to show up to the precinct, or to visit Kate at the hospital. He fulfilled his promise, to stay away from are 2 vacant chairs at the precinct, everyone miss them, the mood lifter.

xxxx

25 minutes later, the doorbell rang. It must be the trio. He sighed, because he knew that he'll get tons of wise words from them, especially Lanie.

"Hey everyone! How are you? I miss you a lot!" Castle greeted them in a happy voice, to hid his deep sadness. He camouflaged it with a wide smile.

"What's with the smile, Castle?" Lanie asked him sarcasticly. Kate was freakin broken, she didn't deserve to be treated this way! Well, she saw Castle's eyes quite swollen, but maybe it's not because he was crying. She really wanted to fight for Kate's rights.

"She got a point, dude," said Esposito.

"Come on man, don't be such a coward! Talk to her, at least. She has never been worse before," Ryan added.

Hearing what Ryan said, his heart skipped a beat because of guilty feeling. He was used to say 'always', that word turn out to be a bullshit. Castle was thinking so hard, to defence himself from their words. Come on. He's an author, the expert of making poetic words into beautiful sentences.

"Well, fellas, people have their own choices. Kate has made hers, and I've made mine. I am fulfilling my own promise. She's happy, I'm happy, that's it."

"What the.. You said she's happy?"

Lanie's palm landed on his left cheek harshly, leaving red marks on it. He became speechless, without knowing that his friends could do that to him.

"That's for the biggest denying I've ever heard in my life."

Another harsh slap landed on his right cheek, which is much more painful.

"That's for making her cry."

* * *

><p>AN : The conflict is getting hotter, with slaps! Like it, or hate it, give me any feedback. RnR :)


	5. Sorry

**Sorry – Survival Days  
>Chapter 5<strong>

* * *

><p>Sorry is never too late.<p>

xxxx

Castle couldn't stand it. Although he's mad of Lanie, she's right. 2 slaps from her was working like a shock therapy for him. Whenever he wanted to start writing, he came out with nothing, because every sentence with 'Nikki Heat' would remind him on that day. Everything he saw, and he hear, would bring him a short flashback about their memory. When he saw his kitchen, it reminds him on Kate's story about her mother, how amazing Johanna was, when each Sunday she gave Kate choice between pancakes, omelets, and waffles. If he watched TV, dead bodies are all over the news, and there's a glimpse of NYPD badge. When he averted his gaze to his library, his eyes got caught by the Nikki Heat series. He missed her, a lot.

He decided to start over with her. At least, to hear her voice once more, to check her condition, and fix their awful-ended relationship. Although Castle is bad with numbers, he still can remember Kate's phone number. He typed it on his phone, and then hit the call button slowly.

As Castle was calling her, she's sitting on her couch, feeling so lonely. She couldn't cry anymore, like there's no more tears left. Her eyelids were swollen so bad, due to too much crying. Tissues were scattered all over the floor, she didn't care. She had been avoiding the outer world, resisting to receive any phone calls or texts if the sender is not him. She only needed one thing, Richard Castle. She missed his smile, his coffee, his smell, his jokes, his flirts, and everything that

Her phone suddenly vibrated on the table, and took all her attention. It's Castle calling. Is she ready to talk to him again? Is she ready to face all the consequences? The answer is no, she still needs some time alone. But until when?

1st call, no answer  
>2nd call, still no answer<p>

Castle took an exasperated sigh. Is she still mad at him? Does she forget him already? He didn't want to annoy her at all, so he gave up calling, and left a voice mail instead.

"Hey, Kate. This is me, Castle. I think we need to talk, so if you want to, you can either call or text me. I am waiting for it. And I'm in my loft if you want to come over, Martha and Alexis aren't home."

There he is, her usual Castle, with his boyish charm. He's always full of attention and care. She felt guilty the way she had treated him. She forced him to make that decision. His voice sounded really raspy. She missed their old relationship, those happy moments in or out the precinct, where they could laugh together, making theories to solve a case, finishing each other's sentences, and flirting each other verbally.

She reassured herself and gained some courage to text him.

"I'll be there in 10."

xxxx

She kept her promise. 10 minutes after her text arrived at his phone, his doorbell rang. He peeked at his peephole, and there she is. Standing right in front of his loft, waiting to be allowed to get in. He slightly opened the door, trying not to startle her.

"Hi, Beck-"

Without saying any words, she cuts off Castle by hugging him, as an action for unsaid 'I miss you a lot'. He was quiet shocked, he didn't expect that this is going to happen, even though he's smart with scenarios. She sobbed into her partner's shoulder, staining his outfit with tears.

"Calm down, Kate. It's okay.." said Castle as he rubs her back up and down gently.

They both sat and comfort themself on the couch, without saying any words. The silence became more awkward. He's trying to calm her, by holding her hands firmly for reassurance. She finally managed to catch her breath and break the silence.

"Rick, I came here for a reason. I wanna tell you something."

He only nods, to give her permission.

"I'm sorry, Rick. For everything. I'm-"

"No, Kate, it is none of your fault. Don't blame yourself."

"Please, Rick, let me explain it."

"There is nothing else to be explained. You did nothing wrong."

"Yes, there is. Like, how I have been treating you lately."

He slightly nods again, and holding both of her hands firmly.

"I was totally wrong to push you aside, Rick. My life went so much worse ever since that day at the hospital. And from what Lanie said to me, you were feeling the same. I mean, I just don't want to put you in danger anymore, Rick. Unfortunately, things were not going like I imagined. Both of us were upset. I made a wrong choice, Rick, and I just hope that you'll give me another one to start over."

"Montgomery's death made me realize, that life is short. This might be the right time to admit it. At least, if I'll lose you again, you already knew my feeling. It has been 3 years, and.. I love you. I love you so much."

His heart skipped a beat when she finished her statement. He's totally speechless, hearing her spilled out all her mixed feelings from her heart. She didn't use any poetic words, but it was truly sincere, from deep down of her heart. That feeling, that she had been hiding for 3 years, finally all layers from Beckett Onion is peeled. Everything felt so real. After knowing her feeling, finally, he has the courage to unravel his true feeling.

"Kate, I gotta tell, that tailing you for 3 years is not an easy job. Plus, we face near death situations almost every single day, and I thank God we're still here. And I think, I did a pretty good job become your tail."

He never loses his sense of humor, no matter how tense the condition is. He's back to serious mode, and at last...

"I love you too, Kate."

They met each other's gaze, a man with shining blue eyes, and a woman with stunning brown eyes. They looked at each other with full of love, as his face move closer to hers. They close their eyes, and his lips finally met hers gently. They're not rushing, because they actually enjoy kissing each other. It was a very passionate kiss, much better than what they did undercover. What an amazing night.

* * *

><p>AN : You like it? Hate it? Feedback, please :) It seems that I'm gonna write a short epilog for this fanfic, so 1 chapter left! RnR!


	6. Epilogue

**Survival Days - Epilogue**

"Everything that doesn't kill you, makes you stronger."

xxxx

Finally, Rick and Kate managed to start all over again, and everything went like usual, except for one thing. This morning, they went to the precinct together. There were reasons behind this. For Kate's health, in case if she went by herself and then passed out in the middle of the road, and one more thing.

As the elevator beeps to indicate they're on the right floor, they were ready to step out of it, together.

"Morning, everyone!" Castle greeted every officers and every detectives in the 12th.

"Yo, the duo is back!"Esposito shouted to the whole precinct.

"Whoa Castle, what's with your arms? You got a super glue accident with her?"

They walked along arm in arm, tightly, and lovely, which was really shocking to everyone, especially the trio.

"Calm down everyone. Me and Castle,... I'm his girlfriend now." said her as a wide and sweet smile appeared on her face. This smile was meant for him.

They looked at each other, and he smiled back.

The whole precinct were clapping, and cheering, showing their happiness. The whole precinct just stopped what they were doing earlier and they congratulated them. Still, no one was as happy as the new couple right now. 3 long years, seems really worth it. Risking each others lives to safe their partner, everything paid off.

"Congrats, guys!" said Ryan and Esposito as they hugged the new couple.

"Katie? Are you kidding me!" said Lanie.

"Uh-oh, we're not undercover right now." Kate answered.

"Kate, can we talk for a second?" he whispered in her ear, as low as possible.

"Sure."

They both walked to the break room, to have some privacy. The whole precinct was full of detective, who detect, there were so many over-curious people out there.

"Rick, what is it about?"

"Kate, I have been waiting for 3 years, for this special moment."

She felt her mouth was gaping so big as he knelt down. He tried to take something in his pocket, she knew what was in it before he managed to pull it out. His trouser was so tight so it became a pretty hard work to do just to take it out. He was sweating so hard, and getting even more nervous, afraid to look so clumsy in front of her.

"Finally, gosh. Am I that fat?" said Castle as he wiped his sweat, as he pulled a joke to ease the tense.

"Katherine Beckett, are you willing to be my-"

He was cut by someone who opened the break room door harshly. Uh, it was the new captain. The Iron Gates, who had a really really bad timing. Can't you see someone was proposing here?

"Beckett, in my office-"

The new captain didn't see someone was kneeling down in front of her. Although she's kinda mean, but she knew she was interrupting a wonderful, once in a lifetime moment.

"Oh, forget it. Continue, Castle. I'm sorry." she apologized for what she did just now, and quickly got out of the door.

They both chuckled, before getting back into a serious mode.

"So, Beckett, are you willing to be my wife?"

Her face seems happy, at least that's what he thought. Her eyes became watery, full of joyful tears.

"Wait, I'm going to tell you something, Kate. I came here with full preparation. I already asked your dad's blessing, and guess what. He said that he'll give anything for me as long as you're happy, and not Josh! Hahahaha!" he laughed so hard. A triumphant laugh.

"How did you bribe my father, Rick?" she teased him as she put a mischevous grin on her face.

"Is it a crime, Kate? That's my secret. By the way, if you don't mind, could you please answer my question a little bit faster? My knees are hurting here."

"I do, Castle. I do."

Tears of joy burst out from their sparkling eyes. This marriage wasn't based on lust. This was based on true love, like a small seed that was planted on her heart 3 years ago, treated carefully every single day. Each memory they have, made the seed grew stronger. Their first case, Nikki Heat novels, cup of coffee, apples, smells like cherry, magic trick with ice cube, the undercover kiss, holding each other's hands before saving the whole New York from a bomb, traveling to LA together, and the 3 words he said after she was shot. And now, they're ready to take the next step.

xxxxxxxxxx

THE END :)

A/N : Finally! This is my first non-one-shot fanfic, and it's done. Review, please, and you can give me some honest feedback.


End file.
